As I am working on a Molly Saga expansion/sequel/prequel all in one, I've come across an interesting site for a Filipina maid agency that offers some eye-opening advice on how to teach one's maid to behave. The page is called Teaching Your Filipina Maid Good Manners and Right Conduct. So far so good. After all, it stands to reason that a Filipina maid may not be accustomed to some of the customs of a family that she works for. Furthermore, I am pretty sure that many of the maids did not attend a finishing school and will have trouble with their spoons and forks at a Buckingham Palace dinner, but the list of "donts" is so extensive (and probably excessive - "say sorry and thank you when applicable", really?) I couldn't help but imagine a heroine of a lady-to-maid story gradually (and deliberately) learning all these bad habits from her maid friends to fit in better.
Needless to say, the wonderful world of political correctness is yet to reach the warm shores of South-East Asia, so please don't be shocked but some of the suggestions that even writers of 19th century manners books did not include as too obvious. Here's the 20-point list for your enjoyment. I know I'd be using some of it for my upcoming story!
1. Burping out loud especially in public is impolite. If you let out a burp that you can no longer hold, say “excuse me” or, better yet, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
2. Resting your elbows on the table is improper and disrespectful especially when eating in another person's house or at a restaurant.
3. Wiping your mouth using the sleeve of your shirt is unacceptable. Use the napkin.
4. Keep your voice down when speaking to another person. Don't yell at the person or when you are talking to someone on your cellphone.
5. Use the utensils provided to you, not your hands.
6. Always say “thank you,” “please,” “paki,” “po,” and “opo.”
7. Always say “good morning,” “good afternoon” or “good evening” whichever is appropriate.
8. Don't slurp your soup. Don't make any sound while eating particularly when chewing food. It's rude. Close your mouth when chewing.
9. Don't talk when your mouth is full. It's very improper.
10. Wash your hands before and after any meal. Make sure that your hands are clean.
11. Wash your hands after using the restroom.
12. Don't clip your nails where anyone in the house can see. Use the bathroom.
13. Don't brush or comb your hair in public areas because hair flies around easily.
14. Don't point at other people; it's rude to do so.
15. Don't interrupt when someone's talking; it's ill-mannered and selfish. Wait for your turn or you can ask the person if you can speak.
16. Turn away from the people and food if you need to sneeze, cough or fart.
17. Don't pick your nose where anyone in the house can see. Again, do so in the bathroom.
18. Don't talk behind other people's back. Don't gossip.
19. Don't pick your tooth either. If you have to, go to the bathroom.
20. Apologize if you did something wrong. Say “sorry” whenever needed.
On a related note, there was a video linked on Reddit the other day about a girl taking classes at a Middlebury Language School. She took their language pledge to only use Chinese and this is what happened to her English,
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woL38FrlRHo
Thanks, it does look a bit staged though. No way anyone would start forgetting one's native tongue (especially words like "volleyball") after such a short period of time. A long-time exposure to a foreign language will force one to start replacing select words and phrases, often without even realizing that. As someone who's spent many years speaking one language at home and another at work/outside, I can tell you that after about a year (or even less) it takes real sustained effort NOT to start "forgetting" some words. Or, rather, it's just easier to slip in foreign words to speak faster and to get the meaning across...
DeleteThe key difference is you are keeping each language fresh in your mind by using both. She wasn't allowed to use English at all and this is the effect it had on her. Anyway, I thought it was interesting given the subject matter of Molly. I didn't read the extended edition, but I recall her taking up Tagalog. If by the end she had to struggle to speak in broken English, that would seem to be within the realm of plausibility. (Having the skill to make your readers believe it is another thing entirely, however)
DeleteYou are right of course. With Molly I do think it required a great deal of suspension of disbelief as it's pretty damn hard for an adult to really struggle with her native language unless we are talking decades. You can start forgetting certain words, but it will be a while (if ever) before your grammar starts collapsing. Unless its self-imposed, of course. I am not aware of such experiments in real life, but it's safe to assume that if one deliberately starts making mistakes in speech and only talk like that, after a while it can become second nature. I am really fascinated by this, I must say.
DeleteSome quite amusing 'rules' here.
ReplyDeleteWhich way should you turn when you fart? I would have thought, you'd normally have the offending part of your body turned away and, in any case, gas drifts :)
Clipping nails? I've always had access to wire sidecutters (I'm a retired electronics engineer) and they were, and still are, my weapon of choice for nail trimming. When I worked (in an office cum lab) I usually trimmed my finger nails at my desk (they grew at work so why not cut them there?) though I did draw the line at toe nails :)
As for using hands to eat, I suppose it depends one the food. The expression 'Finger were made before forks' come to mind with some food, though, as a vegetarian for 40 years, I don't have to struggle with poultry legs any longer - bananas are definitely finger food.
I've always understood the rule for multiple cutlery at a fancy dinner is to start at the outside and work your way in. Quite often when eating out in France in small local restaurants, you're expected to use the same cutlery at each course.
That's an interesting post Camille. I look forward to reading about one of your downgraded ladies, elbows firmly situated on the table, eating noisily whilst speaking with a full mouth. Something I was always told off for as a child :)
Robi
Indeed amusing, Robi. I can't even begin to imagine what sort of maids this agency works with if they have to remind them to say "thank you" and to apologise if they did something wrong. Is there a culture in the world that doesn't teach that? I can understand that some things that are considered gross by us (like spitting on the floor or defecation in the open) are totally OK in much of Asia - often to utter shock of Western tourists, but many of the things on the list just seem odd to me.
DeleteA word of advice, if I may, Camille. Don’t let yourself get bogged down in the minutiae of a story. Focus on what is important—hitting all the right beats. Despite all your extensive research for Her Most Remarkable Performance, someone took you to task for getting the rules of who is a Lady [Title], Lady [Firstname], Lady [Lastname] and who is a Miss wrong. If you, having read countless pages on Victorian-era etiquette, didn’t catch the error, what hope do I have? Additionally, there are those that are skimming paragraphs while others only know English as a second language. Inaccuracies aren’t going to stop the vast majority from enjoying your work. Nobody cares if Cinderella's glass slippers would have shattered, so don’t extend a great deal of effort into researching the tensile strength of glass.
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done! And I am pretty certain there are a lot more faux pas there than just the naming conventions (not something covered in most etiquette books btw, at least not to the extent required). I do remember spending quite a bit of time on prices and wages in the early 1880s. Would 99 percent noticed if I had it wrong by a factor of 10? Most likely not. They probably only have a foggy idea how a guinea is different from a pound. Over-researching the minutiae is my way of procrastinating to a significant degree. You are doing "research" so you are doing something at least even as the story didn't move forward a single line. Anyway, thanks for the encouragement!
DeleteTry to keep your audience in mind when writing for your next project. If you look at what purchasers of Her Most Remarkable Performance are into, it’s not historical fiction. According to Amazon, they are primarily interested in feminization and age regression. To put it simply, a loss of status. I fear that your attention to detail on the Victorian era was wasted on those that would just as soon pick up a book about sissy maids.
DeleteWell, if my primary concern was capturing a huge audience I would have been writing "billionaire erotica", historical romance and young adult sci fi. I do think it is more fun building your audience from the ground up than just delivering what you think the audience wants. Yes, the wast majority would not appreciate my excessive attention to detail, but I am writing for those that do, I can't be the only one to appreciate that in a loss of status story. I do agree that the risk of getting bogged down is quite high though, that is something I need to remind myself more often.
DeleteI appreciated your attention to detail - the clue is in my handle! ;OD
DeleteOf course you could be lying with the information you give but I trust you Camille (your comments demonstrate a scarily large general and cultural knowledge) and the detail you go into only increased my own pleasure in reading it. To see the multi-faceted way your heroine's status is diminished and removed from her, far more than just her wealth. To each their own (and I don't mean that in a rude sense as I have learnt we all enjoy our stories shaped in different ways, you literally can't please everyone) but seeing as you write mainly for YOUR pleasure (I think... and hope...) you have an audience of at least one who wants you to maintain the level of detail.
I'm looking forward to the molly saga continuation! That filipina maid checklist is interesting but i would think that most candidates would already know these things, unless they're from the country or slums maybe?
ReplyDeleteExactly. It is clearly written with the most uncultured maid in mind.
DeleteThis site has a treasure trove of information, like what to do if your maid asks you for a cash advance.
ReplyDelete"Probe if you must. Ask her why she is asking for a salary advance. If it's a medical emergency or for paying tuition fee, you may grant her request. But, if she's only going to buy something to support her vices, then you can say no."
"Let us not fall into the trap of getting used to getting money that you haven't worked for yet. She might lose the motivation to work or give her best. It's basic human nature."
What to look for when hiring a maid,
"If possible, choose a round-faced maid. A person with a round face is more likely to stay at home. She also gets along with people very well regardless of their personality. That includes the kids. In short, para sa kanya, walang masamang tinapay. She believes that every person is good. On the contrary, a person with pointy chin or long face loves to gadder. She cannot bear the thought of staying at home all day taking care of the kids or doing chores. Thus, she won't get used to being a maid, which means you'd need to find a replacement in as short as three months."
"When hiring a Filipina maid, pick the one with big eyes and eyeballs. People with big eyes are honest, kind, sympathetic, and upright. Most importantly, they have no disgraceful intents. Thus, she won't hold any grudge against you and she will protect your kids as well as your household to the best of her abilities. This does not mean you cannot hire a person with small eyes and eyeballs. You can. However, the person appears to be quiet and harmless and tends to be secretive. She keeps her complaints and discontents to herself. The bad thing is they manifest such discontent to others and this may be your child being maltreated in the long run."
"While interviewing the maid, look at her nose. Filipinas are naturally pango (snub-nosed). That's a good thing though because people with low nose bridge are hard-working and easy-going. Thus, the maid will be able to handle criticisms well. She is not peevish as well. Oppositely, people with tall nose bridge are intolerant. They think of themselves highly. As such, the maid may get upset easily, and this might encourage her to leave the job abruptly."
There's even a maid training manual for clients,
Delete"We made the training instruction lean and engaging. We strategically avoided designing the training instruction in English, and veered away from jargon and abstract concepts. As most of our maids have not even finished high school, we can't expect too much from their comprehension. The key? Simple Filipino language. We make sure our maids understand"
https://www.maidprovider.ph/training
This site is so close to being satire.
"Some maids just can't settle with one employer. It's our job to prevent that from happening with the maid we give you."
Delete"To separate the real-deals from the pretenders, we consider these risk factors:
The inherent risk of the maid turning out to be incompetent despite our screening."
"Our maids provide exhaustive background information about themselves so we'll know where to find them, just in case. They can't hide anything from us. Yes, we also got the whereabouts and numbers of their spouses or boyfriends."
Yes, it's almost too good to believe it's not a parody!
DeleteTo find out more about foreign maids i only can recommend groups on facebook like maids in egypt or dubai house maids. Here i have seen adverts where the madam did not want to give a dayoff or explicitely looks for servant. I corresponded with some of the madames under a female alias name and acted like i was looking for a job as a maid. It was very interesting. Some madame even liked to get footmassages by their maids.
ReplyDeleteWondering if the madam in question was also someone playing a role!
DeleteDefinitely not. These were normal ladies. You could tell from their facebook profiles. It was also quite interesting that they adressed me by my first name. When i adress them be their first name, they wrote me that this is not polite and i have to call them madam. One lady who wrote this was only 25.
DeleteDeconstructing a woman's intellect is a fascinating transformation,which can vary with the persona one wishes to institute in her.
ReplyDeleteIn communication skills,there's a difference between changing how she uses her own language and teaching her another language.I have sometimes mused on a woman relocated to another country for her new life,where two languages she has not known before are spoken...one is the only language she is ever permitted to use,and the other,she is absolutely forbidden to learn.She has no control in the situation...there is a language that goes with her new state in life,and a language in which her superiors can discuss her without her having a clue what they are saying.
do you have links to any erotic fiction stories that show this scenario? I enjoyed this aspect of the Molly Saga alot.
Delete