by Violet Carson
We sat in the back of the taxi with Jack holding my hand as if he were a teenager on his first date. I don’t know why, but any sense of trepidation of what lay ahead of me had disappeared. I didn't know if it was the wine over dinner or if this was simply another logical step into my decent into my new life as Rose!
Jack spoke quietly close to my ear trying to give the situation a sense of intimacy that the taxi driver wouldn’t be able to overhear, but unfortunately due to Marj’s handiwork his sweet comments were largely lost on me. I occasionally looked up to catch the driver’s eye in the rearview mirror, not knowing if he was thinking how strange it was to see such elderly lovebirds whispering to each other, or if he’d spotted I was a fake and couldn’t stop himself from looking to check that his eyes weren't deceiving him.
Either way I quite frankly didn’t care. I sat in the cab as if I was having an “out of body experience” which was aided by new deafness. I was wet with the excitement of not just being with Jack but what I was going to experience as an elderly woman. The only thing that alarmed me was the pain between my legs whenever I moved and the thought that sex was undoubtedly going to be rather painful.
Jack paid the driver and seemed to give him a larger than necessary tip. I imagine he was high on anticipation. We entered his small house and he hung my coat in the hall as I went into the bathroom to touch up my make-up whilst he made us both coffee. I looked at my reflection and certainly convinced myself that in the darkness of the taxi there was no way that the driver would have been suspicious of me. He must have just thought I was wearing way too much make-up for a woman of my age. I removed my hearing aids and could barely hear the sound of the tap running as I washed my hands and so I had no choice but to put them back in as I stared at the old woman looking back at me. I touched my hair but it was still rock solid with hairspray.
“Heaven knows what it will look like in the morning” I thought to myself.
With that I applied a little more bright pink lipstick and a generous spray of the perfume and went into the kitchen to await my fate.
Jack was standing there shakily holding his coffee cup looking terribly nervous.
“What’s wrong” I asked sensing his obvious unease. I thought to myself that he must be worried about not being able to perform in the bedroom but I was wrong and I was completely shocked by his comment.
“Rose, I simply can’t go to bed with you. Marj has told me all about you and your desire to disguise yourself and live a different life, but if we slept together I’d feel like a rapist taking advantage of you and I couldn't live with myself if I did that just to have some sex.”
I was totally lost for words and after what seemed like a lifetime asked him
“How long have you known?”
“From the time Marj set us up on our first date” he commented.
“I initially thought it would be chance to get into bed with a young woman that I could only possibly dream of, but since I’ve got to know you I realize how sweet and kind you are and I couldn’t possibly take advantage. I feel really drawn to you but I want to protect you as I think you’re incredibly vulnerable and need help.”
“Oh Jack!” I cried.
“You really are the sweetest man if only I was 25 years older I’d be so lucky to have you. In fact, you will have me. Come here” I instructed him and gave him the longest kiss I could as I felt his heart pound and his manhood grow.
“I think you’re more than ready for me and you won’t be taking advantage at all” I told him leading him by his tie into the bedroom.
I pushed him back on to the bed whilst still holding his tie. With that I knelt in front of him as he sat over the end of the bed and undid the zip on his trousers and proceeded to give him the blowjob to end all blowjobs and he quickly ejaculated into my mouth. We then got undressed and got into bed. I felt I had nothing to hide from him and we had sex together as he then fell asleep in my arms. I soon awoke to the sound of his snoring beside me and got out of bed with the burning sensation from the Superglue between my legs. I was torn between a sense of revulsion at what I’d become and what I’d just done with Jack and a feeling of deep affection for him and his honesty. For one short moment I even thought I could live like this and I could make him happy, but for how long, before I felt like a fake and a fraud? With that I took a piece of paper from my handbag.
I wrote him a note saying that we couldn’t meet again and thanking him for a wonderful evening, both in the restaurant and in the bedroom and told him he was the sweetest man and he deserved far better than me. With that I got dressed and slowly made my way downstairs and let myself out as quietly as I could. I looked at my fake Gold watch and realized that it was 1am and suddenly felt terribly vulnerable having never been out that late as Rose before. It crossed my mind to retrace my steps and ring Jack’s door but decided to look for a taxi as what I’d written on my note was heartfelt and true. Tomorrow was Saturday and I was going to sit down and really think what I was going to do with the rest of my life now that I was about to become a single woman again. Did I want to start an entirely new life could I explain to Andzrej who I really was? Would he feel repulsed by what I’d made myself become? I didn’t know the answer to any of those questions yet but would need to think long and hard very soon as to what I did with my life.
By some amazing act of good fortune I saw a taxi up ahead dropping off a very glamorously dressed couple who’d obviously been out somewhere very smart for the evening. I shouted as loud as I could for them to hold the taxi and I think the driver must have taken pity on the elderly creature he saw in his rear view mirror and waited for me to walk as rapidly as I could to his door. I gave him my address and I sat back to think about what had just happened and what lay ahead. I realized that I had been living some insane lie for the last 5 months, but what did I actually want to do with my life. That was a very big question!
The cab made very quick progress to my flat. I had forgotten how quiet the roads became at that time and I paid him using almost all my money and walked towards my block of flats in almost total silence.
I slowly made my way up the stairs and heard some very muffled voices above me. As I turned the corner an enormous black man wielding a knife confronted me saying something that couldn't make out. I guessed he was demanding money.
“I don't have any money left” I pleaded.
With that I saw his heavy booted foot swing towards my face from where he stood three or four steps above me.
I tried to swerve away but it caught my chin knocking me backwards. I tried to grab the handrail, but stumbled falling backwards until I felt my head smash against the hard concrete floor a few steps below me and as I struggled to move I descended into darkness.